Anxiety In Dating And New Relationships: Here's What You Need To Know

<img style='clear:both; float:right; padding:10px 0px 10px 10px; border:0px; max-width: 335px;' src="https://storage.cgtrader.com/rails/active_storage/representations/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsibWVzc2FnZSI6IkJBaHBBd05hRkE9PSIsImV4cCI6bnVsbCwicHVyIjoiYmxvYl9pZCJ9fQ==--24a2cc25b2c6edb514158b9edc22a2c528678ab5/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsibWVzc2FnZSI6IkJBaDdCam9VWTI5dFltbHVaVjl2Y0hScGIyNXpld282QzNKbGMybDZaVWtpRFRZM05uZzFNREErQmpvR1JVWTZER2R5WVhacGRIazZDMk5sYm5SbGNqb01kVzV6YUdGeWNFa2lFakl1Tkhnd0xqUXJNUzQzS3pBR093ZFVPZzVwYm5SbGNteGhZMlZKSWdwUWJHRnVaUVk3QjFRNkRIRjFZV3hwZEhscFdnPT0iLCJleHAiOm51bGwsInB1ciI6InZhcmlhdGlvbiJ9fQ==--623c6a310f0f834f948241cae8d918ff137f5aa9/germes-online-gallon-dispenser-3d-model-low-poly-obj-3ds-fbx-blend-dae-mtl.jpg">Since every new relationship is a clean slate, the best thing to do is keep a positive outlook on the new relationship’s potential, and have faith in the person you are dating. This requires blind trust, and unfortunately, those with anxiety have a hard time trusting in someone or something new. Anxiety sufferers need trust to be earned while dating, as it’s never automatic for us. This can cause problems in new relationships, but it can work if the person you’re dating is good at being reassuring and attentive. Anxiety sufferers trying to date someone new tend to need extra attention. Everyone likes getting attention from their new love interest, but in the beginning of a relationship, you rarely get that kind of attention every day. Anxiety sufferers tend to need attention and words of affirmation on a daily basis. Not all day every day, but at least some words of affirmation every day. This is difficult to ask for, especially when the relationship is brand new.

If you’re trying to communicate these needs in a new relationship, the best way to word it would be to say that you’re attracted to men who are attentive on a daily basis, as you find it sexy and exciting. The truth is that anxiety sufferers are more attracted to someone who isn’t mysterious, doesn’t play hard to get, and is instead attentive. I have two anxiety disorders, PTSD and GAD. Although my anxiety affects my life and my thinking every single day, the outside world doesn’t notice and my friends and family don’t see it manifesting on a day-to-day basis, because I have learned to function somewhat normally despite it. Sometimes, it does manifest, and it will be noticed and commented on - but for the most part, I’ve learned to be a high-functioning individual with anxiety. I may be suffering, but I keep that suffering to myself, and I attempt to keep my anxious thoughts to myself.

I was a victim of two back-to-back traumatic experiences in my late twenties, and I developed PTSD. I already had GAD at the time of the traumas. For me, having anxiety means that I’ll naturally revert back to negative thinking if I’m not thoughtfully and actively reminding myself to be optimistic, or if the man I’m dating gives me too much space, which becomes room to wonder. My natural inclination is to imagine the worst-case scenario or jump to the worst possible conclusion. This messes with my head, in the most simple ways. The guy I like didn’t text me back for a couple of days? He must have met someone else and lost interest in me. Someone canceled plans with me? They must have decided another option was more appealing. Someone says they’re in love with me? Sorry, but you’ll have to try to prove it. Anxiety manifests as insecurities, and most people in my life aren’t able to offer me as much reassurance as I need, as much consistency as I need, or accommodate my illness.

So, I’ve learned to go through life without having my needs met. Ideally, I’d love to have a partner who could be consistent in his words and behaviors, and reassure me that he loves me every single day. This would leave no room for guessing, wondering or worrying. You see, people with anxiety will guess, wonder and worry unless the person with whom they’re in a relationship doesn’t leave room for any of that. What is anxiety in relationships? Anxiety in relationships is the fear of being lonely, yet doing and saying things that make sure we’ll end up alone. Anxiety is like being ashamed and shameless, scared and brazen, all at the same time. It’s caring too much, yet acting carelessly. That’s because when anxiety takes over, we’re thoughtless in our words and actions. We’re risky. We’ll say and do things that could cost us everything - and we do it all without thinking. Anxiety is wanting to be understood while often being incapable of explaining our true feelings. It’s saying all the wrong things at all the wrong times. It’s knowing we’re over-reacting yet not being able to contain our reactions.